Turned down by NOC

hello,

y did i say hello, hello sounds happy. am i happy? or am i sad? i am not sad but i am definitely not happy. lets just say that i am disillusioned again. many things that i thought would be good was not good enough.

if i take up the job of st now, am i treating it as an alternative rather than a priority? i was indeed blessed by the talk tonight. there is so much i can do but yet so little. what goes on from here? i feel stuck again.

5 more sems? or 5 sems left? the first sounds sianzipua already. the second sounds like a lot more needs to be done. am i the first or the second?

everyone tells me God is in control and has better plans for me. i know that. but He has also given pain so that i can know that something is wrong. that i can remedy it.

i am tired and this is my prayer:
Dear Father in heaven, You know me best. i choose to submit everything into Your hands and i pray that i can lead a life that is glorifying Your name. i thank You for Your faithfulness and loving kindness. i pray that all my friends will be saved and they come to experience Your great love. a stumbling block might have come into my way but i thank You for giving me the chance to learn. i might have lost something material but i have gained in many other ways. if You are willing, please give me another chance to go for the program but if not, please show me Your ways, which are higher than mine. i ask all these in Jesus' name, Amen